Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My pussy is not your playground.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
