Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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