she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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