by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
