there's paper in my vomit.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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