these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
