His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
