oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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