how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
