Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
