Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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