the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
