I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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