Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
