Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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