This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
