Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
