I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
