operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
