I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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