I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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