She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
