I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
