its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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