the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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