so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
