Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
