dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
