did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
