tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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