Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
