OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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