i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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