ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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