i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize