Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
