I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
