yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
