I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
