Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
