Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
