hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
