I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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