I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
