She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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