I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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