she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
