If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
