Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
