they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
