she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
