I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
