just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
