Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
