I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
