That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
