Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
