i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
