but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
