Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
