I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
