i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize