It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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