I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
