my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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