Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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