The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And then he peed in my hair
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