were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
