How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
