Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
